Charlie Sheen: Train Wreck or Minor Derailment?

By Daina Bussing

EVERETT, WA – On Tuesday, May 3, 2011, America’s “Tiger Blooded WINNER”, Charlie Sheen wrapped up his 20 plus engagement tour titled “My Violent Torpedo of Truth – Defeat is not an Option” after many cancellations and only 11 actual appearances. To say that my expectations were VERY LOW would be a MAJOR UNDERSTATEMENT! Nevertheless, after reading all of the press… “Charlie Sheen Gets Booed at Detroit Tour Kickoff” – People Magazine… “Biggest Celebrity Meltdowns Of The Semester – The Oklahoma Daily (Charlie made #1)… Fast Track: Charlie Sheen Bombs… And Succeeds – Los Angeles Times… Vanity Fair… The Seattle Times… The Barrie Examiner (Ontario, CA)… The list goes on and on. But I kept thinking to myself… “I just have to see what it was all about. This will definitely be a long-lived piece of Pop Culture History, and I have to be able to say that I witnessed it with my own eyes.”

Enter Comcast Arena Everett, a great venue to see a show if you have never had the opportunity. It was immediately obvious that ticket sales had not gone well. With an estimated capacity of between 8,000 and 10,000 depending on the event, there had to have been less then 2,500 in attendance. There were even many floor seats open, which is definitely a rarity from the many events that I have had the opportunity to attend here. I can’t say however, that I didn’t expect some empty seats.

With a Meet & Greet Package being offered for the low, low price of just $575 dollars! Which, lets be honest, could cover a trip for two to Las Vegas. Some would be offended by the arrogance to think that anyone is worth $575 to shake hands with. Unless, of course, it’s for some sort of charity, which is a determining factor when deciding whether or not to buy tickets.

Sitting in our seats, anxiously awaiting an 8pm start to the show, I found myself questioning what I was about to witness. In true Charlie Sheen style, he was late, of course. We made friends with the two gentlemen sitting directly behind us, who happened to be the only two people within close proximity of us. They entertained us with their uncanny humor, which I thought could be the best part of our evening. Then at 8:30pm, the lights quickly dimmed to a near blackout, and the crowd began to cheer. We were presented with a video montage of movie clips from some of Sheen’s many popular movies, which was very well put together and you could hear the chatter across the arena as people recognized their favorites. At 8:35 pm, Charlie takes the stage sporting a Mariners jersey accompanied by his guitar player, Rob Patterson (formerly of Korn). A guitar player? What for, you may be asking. The very same question rolled over in my head. All that I could figure was that Patterson’s sound effects somehow kept Sheen focused and somewhat on track (if that is even possible)?

The first words out of his mouth was a big “HELLO SEATTLE!” Some cheer, but many just sat there thinking, “Charlie, we’re in Everett!” This may appear to be the beginning of the end. But with honest sincerity, I have to admit that I was pleasantly surprised when I left, feeling entertained and glad that I attended. Don’t get me wrong, the one thing that the media hit right on the target was the vulgarity of the show and the choice to make this an 18 and over show was a wise one. I may have even considered 21 and over.

To sum Charlie up in a few “mommy words”… Pot-smoking, potty mouth! But, if you paid any bit of attention to the media, this shouldn’t have been the least bit shocking. Yes, every other word out of his mouth seemed to be some sort of profanity. But I was immediately intrigued when Sheen bent down, turned the teleprompters towards the crowd so that only they could see them and then he laid down his ground rules. There were only two: (#1) The Media Rule: If you don’t have the intention of listening to what I have to say in fine detail, then you might as well leave now since you’re just going to report what you want anyway. (#2) The Heckler Rule: If you came here to heckle me, I’ll give you an effing refund and you can leave right now. But I couldn’t stop thinking about rule number one. So I pulled out a notebook and listened clearly and intently to every word he had to say. In the end, if you overlooked all of the profanity and vulgarity, he really did have some positive things to say. You definitely had to be listening in fine detail, as Sheen himself prescribed, as these pearls of wisdom could have easily been missed, but they were there.

He spent a lot of time talking about his departure from the hit TV sitcom “Two and a Half Men,” but when you heard some of his side of the story you had couldn’t help but have some ill feeling towards producer, Chuck Lorre. First, according to Sheen, he was apparently fired due to his drug addiction. Come on people, he was cast for a role which he turned down numerous times until finally the money was so ridiculous that nobody would have turned it down. All while he was in REHAB! What person with a single brain cell (sorry, Mr. Lorre), casts someone currently in rehab, gives them more money than they would even know what to do with and expect that their addiction(s) would not continue in some form? Admittedly, I am no Hollywood producer, or casting director, but seriously? They think that by firing Charlie, they taught him a lesson. Sure, it cost them $8 million dollars, but they taught him a lesson! Great job, Mr. Lorre. You taught a self-proclaimed drug addict, with more than 20 years of experience in rehab, that you can be fired for using illegal substances. That was a pretty expensive lesson, which he was clearly already aware of!

Sheen then goes on to tell about a dinner schmooze/meeting in Las Vegas where Lorre was absolutely hell-bent on attending in order to “sell” the sitcom to the network. Sheen felt it a total waste of time as he was confident that the show would sell itself (which in the end it did), but he agreed to go along hesitantly after several threats from Lorre.

While in Vegas, just a few hours before the dinner, Sheen received a call that his best friend from high school had been killed. He talked to the family and many of his friends from back home and asked the family, “Do you need me to come there?” to which they replied, “Yes.” He approached Lorre, explained the situation, and instead of being provided the sympathy and approval to go where he was needed most, he was instead given an ultimatum. Lorre proclaimed that his leaving “…would not bring his friend back”, and that if he left, Lorre was out and the show was over, before it even got started. Sheen said, “The biggest mistake I made in my life was not leaving.” Anyone with an ounce of compassion could see that Sheen meant what he was saying, and that he still lived with the regret of not being with those who needed him most during that tough time. We could all feel his pain, which was confirmed by the silence in the arena. But only briefly, as he then went on to tear Lorre apart for everything that he had done over the eight (8) seasons of “Two and a Half Men.”

Honestly, I can’t say that it wasn’t deserved. What kind of boss, or human being for that matter, is so heartless? Hollywood big shot or not, nobody deserves to be treated like that.

With arrogance, he confidently predicts that nobody will watch the show (Two and a Half Men) without him in it. Sheen proceeds to light up a cigarette right there on stage. Again, silence, some whispering, some looks of shock and then Sheen announces, “No, you can’t all smoke a cigarette in here. I can. I paid a fine for myself in advance. That’s how I roll!”

Sheen also spent a lot of time talking about his stints in rehab. Cracking a joke, “I have spent 22 years of my life in rehab. That was one long effing research project!” He then went on to commend anyone currently in AA, encouraging them to ‘stick with it’. “It doesn’t work for everyone, but if it’s working for you then stick with it,” he says.

Sheen went on to say that we can’t just pull the covers over our head and ignore our problems, we all need to “Dig a little deeper, get a little tougher and deal with the task at hand.” I don’t think that there are too many people that could argue his advice - I know that I sure can’t.

Having just lost the custody battle for visitation of his twins with former wife Denise Richards, Sheen touched on how much his kids meant to him. He said, “I have beautiful kids. I am truly blessed. Have you seen them? I won the genetic effing lottery. Hello!” While maybe not the words that many of us would have used, his expression showed that of a proud father!

Then came the best part of the show in my opinion. The Q&A session with “Bob The Tweet Master.” Bob took a mic throughout the arena and allowed fans to ask questions. There was a broad range of topics covered but Sheen took them all in stride.

Q - John: Personally, what is your favorite movie that you’ve made?”

A - Sheen: I haven’t effing made it yet! Actually, two of my favorites would have to be Apocalypse and Jaws.

Q - Tracy: Back in the 80’s my favorite movie was “No Man’s Land”, did you really get to drive that bad a$$ Porsche down Mulholland?

A - Sheen: I don’t remember. I do remember that in the middle of a “staged” shooting, I was shot as I ran through and got 11 stitches.

Q - Dan: I have followed this “Epic” run that you have made. Why the “F” is this your last show?

A - Sheen: Maybe I wanted to save the best for last! To further answer your questions. I didn’t set the schedule. I just said, “Yes, I’ll do it,” I didn’t know what I was getting into or what it would entail.

Q - Nick: Are you currently using drugs? If not, is there any chance of a relapse in the future.

A - Sheen: What is a relapse? I believe in choices. I am on drugs. Its’ a drug called “Charlie Sheen!” Will I use drugs again? Yes, just not right now. I have my kids to think about. Unlike my ex-wife who thinks you can do drugs, sell stolen watches to pawn shops, and still maintain custody.

Q - Megan: I would like to hear you talk about your transition from sitcom life to rock star life.

A - Sheen: Pretty effing cool if by transition, you mean getting fired. I am having a ball!

Q - Megan (cont’d): Do you want to kick it later?

A - Sheen: Were kickin’ it right now! Pause… let me get back to you on that!

Q - New York (sitting in the front row, Charlie had given the Mariners Jersey that he was wearing to his 84 year old mother earlier in the show): Thanks Sheen for making his mothers day and then asks. How much does a suitcase full of cocaine cost?

A - Sheen: (Even I knew the answer to this one) Well that would depend on the quality of the cocaine and the size of the suitcase. How does your mother feel about that question?

Q - Charlies Angels (Two young girls wearing t-shirts that said “Charlies Angels” that managed to sneak up to about row 5): Bob walks up to them and up go their shirts, flashing not only Sheen, but the entire arena by video screen.

A - Sheen: Well done, well done! I don’t think that everyone in here saw that, I demand a take two! Of course they obliged, a little bit embarrassed this time!

Q - Sherry: I appreciate everything that you’ve done for everyone in Tuscaloosa, AL. What is the funniest thing that has ever happened to you in your life?

A - Sheen: I was presenting an Emmy Award to Sarah Jessica Parker and I ‘sharted!’ Not funny at the time, but looking back now, kinda funny.

Q - Drake: When your house was raided they found a gun, can you tell more about that?

A - Sheen: Yes, they found a gun, they didn’t find any drugs. Someone called and said that I threatened to kill myself. It turned out to be my ex-wife Brook. Come on Brooke, is that all that you’ve got? What they found was an antique gun from 1848.

Q - Rob: What is the most that you have ever paid for a hooker? And did you pay by cash or check?

A - Sheen: The most I ever paid, some of it intentionally and some of it unintentionally, was $250K! Wine: 30K, Watch: $170K, her interview with Good Morning America: $50K.

Q - Stacy: How do you enjoy working with your father as an actor? And how is he as a father?

A - Sheen: He’s awesome to work with. The best actor alive and a great father!

Q - Tim: What is your next movie project going to be?

A - Sheen: Major League III

Q - Pray For Charlie: Was this tour your idea or someone elses?

A - Sheen: It was presented to me by Live Nation who owns Ticketmaster.

Q - Gabe (Charlie’s make-up artist of 16 years): We lost our jobs (Gabe worked on Two and a Half Men), what’s next? Does this mean that I am going to have to go back to Mexico or not?

A - Sheen: No! We have Major League III coming up (don’t know when). I’m a free agent, and I guarantee that whatever is next is going to be epic.

Yes, people left the show. Some early on and some a little later, seeming to give the impression that they gave the show a chance. But I truly believe that most of the people that walked out early, had decided before they ever entered that they were not going to like the show and there was nothing they could’ve done to make them like it. One thing that people seemed to forget was that there was never any promises about the show. If you look through all of the advertising and media, all you’ll find is the name of the show. Never a detailed description of what the show entailed or what to expect.

Those who stayed, cheered constantly, and Sheen commented that this had been his longest show to date. He confirmed that Everett had many more open-minded, and less-easily offended people than the previous venues. I’m puzzled. I can get offended just walking down the street in L.A., and people were walking out mid-show.

Yes, Sheen is arrogant, egotistical, and apparently his vocabulary consists primarily of profanity and insults. But again, if you really listened to what he was saying, there is a human being in there with a compassionate heart. You just have to really look and listen for it, willing to wade through all that is Charlie Sheen to get to the meat.